first anal sex

What happens when most women have anal sex for the first time? Usually both the guy and the woman have never done it before and what they should be doing. The result? No foreplay, no preparation, they simply go straight into it. Unsurprisingly her body isn't designed like that and the resulting pain can get so deeply entrenched that her brain makes a permanent connection: anal sex equals pain.

first time anal

Now consider the opposite situation. Here the scenario is similar, except that the guy does everything correctly. He takes his time using correct foreplay techniques and takes things at her pace. This time her mind makes the opposite connection: anal sex equals pleasure.

These connections have a name in psychology: a somatic marker. Basically a somatic marker is a shortcut used to help the woman make decisions faster than the speed of conscious thought about whether something is in her best interests or not. They are primarily designed to help her avoid situations that are life-threatening (`Getting bitten by a spider hurts - best to avoid spiders in the future` is an example of one). As most women sexually experiment when they are younger, the chances are a lot higher that she had an inexperienced lover who set up the 'anal sex really hurts` somatic marker!

Because of their survival value, these connections are very hard to break. This is why communication between couples is especially important for anal sex. You have to move at her pace and never try to force anything onto her.

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